I finally got the last of my documentation together and went to the post office to apply for my first passport. I finished filling the last few things out and then took my number and waited in line (the big post office at South Station has tickets like a deli counter).
I had the wrong form. It was a passport application form, but apparently they changed forms a long time ago. The post office I got the form from was still handing out the old form in May. So, I took the new form (which can be scanned into a computer and results in faster processing) and filled it out and got back into line.
Theoretically, they don't start processing passports until 9, but they were taking people with passport inquiries earlier as long as there were 3 employees at the registers. I gave them my name change documentation (it wasn't required, but I figured it would make things easier for them) and got my picture taken. I should have my passport by the second week of September.
To celebrate getting that thankless task done, I went and got some chocolate for my desk. Just a little bit. Hopefully it will last me a week or more. Oh beautiful salted caramels. How do I love to eat thee! Om. nom. nom.